1. The Hoolivans - mmm - are ye indeed hooligans and do you like vans? Hey and whilst we're at it give us a lowdown and the bands history to date!

Dan: Hooligans, no. I do have a penchant for a battered Morris Traveller, if that counts as a van.

Phil: We had been playing together for a couple of years, creating the musical backing for our imaginary (really cool) singer. We fully intended to bring in other musicians, until we remembered a) we don’t know any and b) we wouldn’t be able to work with them if we did. A little over a year ago we wrote our first few real songs, and things clicked into place as a two piece. It was also around the time Dan pulled a sword out of that stone, and I drank a mysterious elixir.

2. Tell us about your roles within the band and how you personally feel about the state of play at the mo?

Dan: I play the drums and try, in vain, to stop Phil counting in 5s and 7s. Feeling positive about the single and the upcoming date in Sheffield.

Phil: That sounds about right. I do like counting in funny numbers, throwing in extra beats, or losing a few. There are some good gigs coming up, and the new single is out on http://thehoolivans.bandcamp.com (shameless plug!), so things are looking rosy.

3. Do you have any conflicts within the band and how do you go about getting gigs, composing songs and chatting up potential love Dwarves?

Dan: No conflicts as yet. We get gigs by sending out what we do and trusting the listener will understand. Phil writes the music and lyrics, and I try to do them justice with the beats. And the best way to chat up a love dwarf is by whispering French poetry into its ear.

Phil: Communication is the key. I will suggest that the drums should sound like an octopus wrestling its way out of a bin bag, and Dan knows what I mean. I tend to leave the love dwarving to Dan, as he is so much better at it. 

4. Talking of Dwarves - Paul Daniels is a cunt but that is besides the point - the question is tell me the hazards and benefits of jelly keyboards and would you ever consider living on the left nipple of Bluebell Chivers - jelly creator and human dart?

Dan: The jelly keyboard has neither merits nor disadvantages. Just wobbles. And I would prefer Bluebell's right nipple if it's still up for grabs.

Phil: I have to offer some balance here. My inlaws bought Paul Daniels’ tent when he was still a milkman in Middlesbrough. It never leaked, even when it rained a little bit. Now that’s magic. As for living on nipples, it depends on scale. If I were small enough (say, mite sized) it could work. Any bigger and you’d draw unwelcome attention.

5. York - best bands, best people, best gigs, best venues, best chippy?

Dan: Bands: Freaks and Geeks, the Blueprints, Buccaneers, and loads more besides. People: as above, as well as Paul aka Pack Manic who runs an ace night at the Woolpack, plus friends and family too numerous to mention. Venues: The Woolpack, Vicky Vaults, etc. Chippy: Bridge Fisheries, near Burton Stone Lane. Battered sausage to die for.

Phil: Percy are also well worth a listen, Mark Wynn is a proper punk poet one off, and Amy Greene has a great voice. We’ve never played with a band in York we didn’t really like. It’s a really good scene – great music and nice people. My all time favourite chippy is just outside York: Frying Nemo. Best name ever.

6. Best and worst of your CD, book and bra collections?

Dan: Best. CD: any from 'Rain Dogs' by Tom Waits, 'Hope Is Important' by Idlewild, 'Disintegration' by The Cure, 'Troublegum' by Therapy? or Tindersticks first album. Book: Of Mice And Men. Bra: strapless. Worst. CD: Probably got loads of shite buried in the shed... Book: Same... Bra: no such thing as a bad bra.

Phil: I once swapped a car for a Boo Radleys CD, so that’s probably the worst, for all kinds of reasons. It’s not very spacious, and it takes ages to get anywhere. My best CD changes all the time, but I really like Parquet Courts at the mo. Best book: I Served The King Of England by Bohumil Hrabal, the Czech writer. I’m a huge Czechophile, and this is an absolute romp. Worst? I am ashamed to own Dan Brown’s Da Vinci code, although it is a great shortcut for any writer who wants to know how not to write. As for bras, I have a Victorian modesty truss that I am very fond of, formerly worn by Gladstone.

7. Views on the current scene(s) and of course views on that nebulous subject palmed off as punk?

Dan: Lots of good stuff if you bother to seek it.

Phil: I’m not very up on scenes. I don’t really know what one or they is or are. But what Dan said.

8. Outside of the circle what noises to you find most appealing - jazz, jizz, rock, metal, acid etc. People should be acoustically eclectic - even if it is only the sound of a farting bee that turns thee on.

Dan: A varied diet is essential. From the bands mentioned above to Scroobius Pip, Nick Cave, Elliott Smith, and Sebadoh.

Phil: Smiths, Arcade Fire, Parquet Courts, Elliott Smith, British Sea Power. Check out Swearin’ – they’re great.

9. Your ultimate gig - 5 slots to fill - who would it be?

Dan: Tom Waits, Rocket From The Crypt, Boo Radleys, At The Drive-In, A Day To Remember. Best 5 live acts I've ever seen.

Phil: Serge Gainsbourg, Whitney Houston, The Clash, Phil Collins and The Ramones.

10. The best Hoolivan song and how would you decribe your sound? Dan: Bend and Break is my fave so far, although it changes daily. We'd probably aspire to sound like the bastard love child of the Pixies and Graham Coxon.

Phil: I’m really interested in how we can change people’s ideas of a two piece. At the fiercer end, I love our final song, 'Canaries'. At the other end, we have a song called 'Dangerous Grazes' which shows a different side to us. My favourite will be the next thing we write though.

11. Clunge Toxin believes in the power of wig wearing wanker - the simple question is 'Do you'...and why?

Dan: Yes. More importantly, why not?

Phil: Depends what kind of wig. If it’s a mirkin, then yes, always.

12. And at last - push the band down the throat of the punter and fill their bellies with the passionate propoganda that matters!

Phil: We think about every word, every note and every beat, and we won’t play anything we think isn’t interesting enough. Life’s too short for boring. Do you like electrocution death throe stage acts? If so, come and see us before we go too far.